Been listening to too much Kimya Dawson...

You think I'm crazy, you think I'm insane,
Cuz I found Atlantis and dance in the rain.
And once you've known me, you won't be the same,
Cuz I made you rethink every rule you once made.
Admit that I scared you, that I was too fast,
That I was five years ahead while you were stuck in the past.
And once you were under, you almost; at long last;
Let go of the memories that were holding you back.
You saw life different, through blue listless eyes
And your jaded decorum was just a disguise
That I almost had you, when you realized
You were reconsidering the way you lived life.
You're scared to be happy, afraid to be healed,
Don't know what to do if this pain you can't feel,
The idea of eden seems almost unreal
And you refuse to be held tight by arms made of steel
That will never let go, and will keep you so safe,
Will force you away into a new hiding place
Where it is possible to travel through space,
And you would have loved it, I saw on your face.
But your pain is your comfort, your solice, your rock
Your edge is the landing you hit when you drop,
How ironic that I am the "walking paradox"
When you are the one whose start button says "stop"- ASH 2008

Lost in Translation.

So che devo essere stato apatico. O sembrato apatico. Lei vede, ciò è come sono. Ho paura. Alla molto radice della parola. La paura mi controlla. Dunque faccio attenzione che lasciare dentro. E come profondo viaggiano nelle interruzioni polverose del mio cuore. Avevo paura perderla. L'ho amata così. In qualche modo, l'ho pensato andrebbe via. Ho saputo che io non potrebbe tenerla lungo. Indovino avevo ragione. Odio ha ragione.
So che lei non mi sa. E la parte di che potrebbe essere la mia colpa. Sono lento per fidarsi di. So anche che lei crede che io non la sappia. Ciò è dove lei hanno torto. La so. Dunque bene. Lei non mi ha creduto quando l'ho detto che capisco delle persone. Posso vederli oltre ciò che è sull'esterno. Lei ha continuato a negarlo, anche quando lei ha visto la destra di prova prima dei suoi occhi. La so. Non importa quanto lei vuole pensare che faccia non.
Ero distante. Ero prudente. Ero inquieto. Ero affilato. So. Ma ero spaventato. Con gli occhi aperti, lei ha visto la mia conchiglia dura, la mia paura, la mia ansia, ed il piccolo disastro ho creato dell'interno di anni fa di mie. Lei mi ha chiamato un che il Camminando Paradosso, e ho riso appena. Ma lei aveva ragione. Lotto con mie. C'è un combattimento costante tra la mia testa ed il mio cuore, e non fa mai una pausa, non cheta mai o calma. I miei pensieri mi perseguitano; il mio passato mi perseguita. Letteralmente. Ma che lei non ha visto; che ho fatto quando i suoi occhi erano chiusi; è la maniera ho memorizzato ogni marchio, ogni cicatrice, ogni pollice di lei, e l'ha riposto sul retro della mia mente, portare la luce a quei che gli spaventando pensieri. Lei non sa probabilmente che ho contato i secondi tra ogni respiro che lei ha portato. E lei è completamente inconsapevole del fatto che ho guardato l'alba di sole e la serie nei suoi occhi ogni notte. L'ho amata. Con l'il più vero cuore il più puro,. L'ho amata con l'intensità matta, e l'emozione cieca. Lei mi ha fatto sente la cassaforte, che è qualcosa nessuno ha potuto conseguire prima. Ed il tocco semplice della sua mano mi ha dato le farfalle. Manco che così molto.
Adesso, devo salutare. Lei ha rotto la sua promessa. Ed il mio cuore, con esso. La sono fidata di. Le ho detto la mia regola. Ho spiegato come incredibilmente complicato, ancora semplice ero. Una regola, ciò era tutto. Non un duro un di seguire. Ed ancora, lei non potrebbe farlo. E lei ha promesso. , Qui è così come questo andrà. Camminerò lontano, e la parte alla sua vita. Ma lei non ritornerà mai. Mai. Perché l'accetterò, e la porta a braccia aperte sostiene. La farò entrare ancora in una pulsazione sola. Darò ancora voi tutti di me, e lei mi dorrà ancora. L'amerò sempre. Sapere ciò. L'ho amata, e ciò le ho detto quotidianamente. E lei ha risposto lo stesso. Ma lei non ha mai fatto. Amare non finisce appena su un dieci centesimi, per nessuna ragione. Ancora, lei dice che lei non sa perché lei ha fermato per amare me. Ma lei ha fatto. Non dimenticherò mai le sue ultime parole a me. Si, lei ha finito su una nota cattiva. Sincronizzazione cattiva. Ma forse è il destino giusto. Sono la colpa di gonna esso su che perché non voglio pensare che lei era la causa. Che non era il suo orgoglio e la sua mancanza di emozione che ha condotto ci a questa strada. Voglio credere che lei mi abbia amato a alcuno punto. Non posso credere che lei ha fatto non. Non con la maniera lei mi ha tenuto. Lei ha dovuto a. Così se lei andrà realmente, starà andato. Perché l'amo tuttavia. I still love you.

As I wander through these empty halls,
My footfalls echoing in the silence,
I hear your voice,
But don't see your face.
I sence your presence,
But don't feel your touch.
White engulfs me.
I touch the walls,
And they are cold.
I can see nothing different ahead of me,
But I walk forward anyway.
And that's when it hits me.
This is not a dream.
This is how loving you has always been.
It just took me untill now to realize it.
You never meant it.
Not once.
You had me going, though.
In reality, this is how you always felt.
Cold,
Raw,
Emotionless.
Empty.
And in knowing this,
It does hurt.
Simply because of the all of me that I gave to you.
But,
Now I see.
It is all just a game to you.
And maybe they're right.
You weren't worth my time then,
And you're not worth my pain now.
I am stronger then that.
Maybe stronger then I think.
And it's time for me to go it alone for a while.
To find myself.
To stop fearing.
I DON'T need you.
Suddenly, color inches over the barren white desert walls.
Red, orange, pink, blue.
They melt, dripping over the emptiness,
And heat rises from the floor.
Suddenly I am surrounded by brick walls,
Exposed pipes,
Hard wood floors,
Metal statues reflecting light beaming through the windows
And in the center of a raised platform,
A white canves on an easle.
The only white in the room.
Buckets of paint at my feet,
And brushes in my hands.
Free to do what I want,
To create a new reality,
One which is not hindered by you.
The perfect place
Saturated by art and color,
With a city out my window,
No need to sleep,
No need to cry,
I have work to do.
Goodbye, Love.

Don't Be Afraid

People are all the same. Nomatter where you go, it's the same in any language. We all need a few things; food, water, spirit, love, the list goes on, a house, family, friends, a job, a purpose, freedom, security. All of these things are important, and necessary to living a full life. But there is more we have in common. You and me. And I know you think we have nothing. I know you like to play pretend, and smile like everything is okay. But inside, I know you are afraid. How do I know? Well, my love, first of all, I invented the concept. I have been mastered by fear, and am often controlled by it. And second of all, I can read people. Like books. Ask anyone. You have no chance. Sorry. We all have special..."gifts". You make people smile. Even when you're not trying to. You create this sence of security, like when you just held on tight through the rain, and never let go until it was over. What do I do? I fix things. I'm not good with words, and I can't give you the cold hard truth, like it or not. I have friends that do that. No, I stay silent, and let you cry. I'll hold on to you, and let you tell me whats wrong, and I will gently, slowly, and steadily harness your pain, and drive it away. I'm Little Miss Sunshine, afterall... So just cut the crap already. Stop acting like you don't care. Stop ignoring me, and start talking. Most importantly, stop pretending that you are fearless. You're not. None of us are. And while you are a great actor, I can see right through that paper thin wall you've built, and it will only fall on top of you in the end. Let me take it down before that happens. I'm here. I'm ALWAYS here. Me. The one who knows you, and would jump in front of a train for you. It's only me. Don't be afraid.

I've Reached a Verdict

Here is my consensus.
I'll wait for you.
No matter how long it takes.
No matter how many meaningless relationships you wander through.
No matter how many hurtful words you say to me.
Cuz, baby, that's what love is.
And that's what you have in me.
And you know it.
Deep down, I know you do.
So I'm gonna stay right here, and wait.
And if you never realize how much
I love you,
Then you will remember me.
You will see me in everything you do.
I will haunt your memory like the wind haunts the sea,
And you will hear my voice in every song.
You will always know how I feel about you.

How did we let this happen?
We let love slip right through our hands.
Your hands.
I'm still holding on.
Holding on to the hope that someday,
You might love me again.
You might let yourself love me again.
I know you do.
I see it in the way you look at me.
In the way your eyes scream out.
I know that you think you don't deserve it.
I know life for you has not been easy.
I know that you don't get the love that you deserve.
No one appreciates you like they should.
And because of this,
You think you are worthless.
BUT YOU'RE NOT.
You CAN be loved.
And you are.
If you would only open your eyes,
You would see that I am right here,
Waiting for you to come back.
To realize.
You have someone who loves you,
More then life itself,
Right here.
I'm right here.
And I would do anything to hold you again.
I want to hold you again.
I miss you.
So much.
Ive never felt this way before.
Never loved someone so much,
It made me cry.
I told myself I could get over you.
But I can't.
It only hurts worse as time goes by.
And seeing you
Makes me feel dizzy.
Like I lost you,
somehow,
I lost everything that meant anything to me
In a matter of ten minutes.
And I want you back.
Please come home.
Just.
Come.
Home.
Signed forever yours,
Ash.

Me and Emily

I spent my day in the mind of a two year old.
We chased butterflys,
And smelled flowers,
And rolled around in the grass.
We let time,
And everything related to it,
Slip out of our hands.
It had been a long time since I allowed myself
To just let everything fall off.
To ignore reality.
I looked into her big hazel eyes,
And found what I was missing.
That innocence.
That wonder and amazement with everything around me.
I had had it once.
Not so long ago.
But the dark hour of reason had recently pierced its way in.
Into my soul.
And it stung.
I'd much rather look on life with the eyes of a child.
Like Emily.
Running and jumping through the flowers,
Through the woods,
Through the creek,
Laughing and smiling,
And holding my hand.
I'm regressing.
Its been decided.
Kids know what life is all about.
They understand that every fleeting moment is beautiful.
Wonderful.
And they embrace it.

Promises...
"I will never break your heart."
"I promise."
I let you in.
Gave you everything.
Placed my fragile heart in your hands,
And let myself love you,
Which is something I had wanted for a long time.
Now,
I look around me,
And all I want is you back.
For you to come home where you belong.
With me.
We all know how the story ends.
Or rather,
How it should end.
"Happily Ever After"
Yeah right.
I don't want much.
It is easy to make me happy.
All it takes is your arms.
Your smile.
Your touch.
Your eyes.
Only you.
Only you can make this better.
People keep saying,
"Well, he wasn't right for you."
I nod, and agree,
But then, I think,
"What am I saying?
He is PERFECT for me.
He is EVERYTHING I ever wanted. "
And now, you are gone.
And I am left,
Retracing every line,
Going over all of our conversations in my head,
Trying to figure out where we went wrong.
To see the signs.
To find the point where I did something to lose your love.
The only love that I felt safe in.
I love you, damnit.
And i WANT YOU BACK.
Please come back.
I don't know what to do without you.
The simplest way to say it is,
"I miss you"

I see you everywhere.
You are in the songs on the radio.
In the songs in my head.
I think they know I lost you.
And they're trying to find ways to torture me.
You're in the grass,
Your outline and mine,
So close together,
Where we starred at the stars that I now see your eyes in.
Your face is engraved on the gray walls
Of every building our intertwined shaddows crossed.
I see tic-taks in my sleep.
I hear your voice in my head
"You walking paradox"
"You hippy"
I'd never been insulted in such a loving way before.
Every time I touch my guitar,
I see your fingers dance across the fret board.
I see us,
Sitting so close,
Watching our favorite movie, and quoting every line,
Laughing so hard,
And I see you rolling your eyes when that song comes on.
I hear that song in the rain.
I hear it in the shower.
I hear it in my dreams.
I hear it EVERYWHERE.
Your fingerprints are on my hands,
My stomach,
My head,
My heart,
When the wind blows,
I feel your hand running through my hair.
I see your smile,
Your eyes,
In everyone I pass on the street.
I hear your voice,
Your empty promises,
When I watch television.
When I am alone in a quiet place.
And every time I look in the mirror,
I see you.
I see your eyes instead of mine.
I see you.
I can't get you out of my head.

Nothing lasts forever. No matter how much you might think it will. No matter how much of yourself you pour into it. You can turn your world upside down, and yourself inside out, and you will still lose in the end. That's what love is. A cold, and broken song, echoing through delapidated ruins in hollow hearts. It is the loud cry of the ocean waves at night. Beautiful, but desperate, and haunting. Captivating, but reckless, and dangerous. Its always colder then it looks, and saltier then you expect. Salty like tears, and blood. Like the essence of wasted time. Like the essence of wasted hearts. It's decieving. But lonliness is terrible. Unavoidable, but horible. It's terrifying. More so then giving someone everything, like I did. So, now, with a heavy, bruised, shattered, glued, and duct taped, I stand back up, dust myself off, and attempt to reassemble the components of reality. Or rather, the opposite of reality. Of the world I created inside my head for the two of us. The beautiful world that you tore down with one foul swoop. In five words. Five sharp, ravenous words, that decided our fate. That I prayed would change. But I now understand that they won't. And I can't waste time pretending they will. So now, for a short time only, I am offering a special, one-time deal on a previously owned heart. Slightly tattered, alittle dirty, but in decent repair, and desperate for someone. Terrified of being alone. Hurry now while supplies last.

The Rain Man and Little Miss Sunshine

Well, there once was a rain man.
Thought he didn't need love.
And there was no use in tryin,
He could never be enough.
He spent so much of his life,
In a dark and empty room
Till she shed a little love light,
And showed him aother tune.
Oh yeah, Little Miss Sunshine
Held the world in her hands.
She was so self relient.
Not gonna trust any man.
Thought her life was completed.
But she was all alone at night.
And with a touch of healing rain,
He made the darkness alright.

Chorus
And the rain fell down on the daytime,
And filled up her empty soul
And the sun shined down on his darkness
And showed him he wasn't alone.

Yeah, our story goes on now.
Looks like they both found a way
To evenly share
The dark and the day.
And now little miss sunshine
Sings in the rain.
And the rain man he fell in love.
Now he'll never be the same.

(chorus)

So what is the lesson,
In my words and rhymes?
Well, it's the only sollution
To make it through in these times.
Yeah, we all need an anchor.
Somethin willing to hold
When it seems all our planning
And our struggles unfold.
Now, they've both found each other.
And the sun and the rain
Well they rise and fall together
In all that life throws their way.
hmm hmm hmm...
CHORUS

I Have Missed You

There's that smile.
The one that takes my heart, and melts it.
Right down to a liquid.
That sarcastic, "You've flipped your lid" grin that you always give me.
It reminds me that you love me.
And there's that touch.
The one that I long for, and miss, even when I have it.
The one that makes me forget everything bad.
Like there is nothing but sunshine and flowers in my life...
And orange tic taks.
Those eyes that put the city lights to shame.
That radiate a glow around us.
And that voice.
Sweet, deep, and, (this is sooo out of character for me), but,
Sexy.
You make me laugh!
God, do you know that?
Do you have the slightest idea of how much Ive missed you?
Do you know that while you were out,
Looking for yourself in space,
I was waiting for you to come home?
Welcome home, love.
My love.
My saving grace.

Thank You

Thank you for listening.
Thank you for being the one I fall on.
And never asking for anything in return.
Thank you for being there,
Unceasingly,
And in a way that no one else ever was.
Thank you for understanding me.
For seeing that I am not that difficult.
Thank you for letting me in.
And not pushing me away.
Thank you for letting me know you.
For considering me a part of your life.
Thank you for a smile that makes me smile,
And a laugh that makes me laugh.
Thank you for loving arms to catch me,
And for the toughness when I needed to learn to be on my own.
Thank you for the most amazing gift,
The gift of friendship.

Never Never Land

Here's a little cheese for ur macaroni!

Lately, this world's feeling heavy.
Like the pressure could drown me alive.
And as I'm losing my grip on my innocence,
Im losing my one safe place to hide.
The streets of my dreams are getting narrower,
And the sun seems to shine less each day,
And the walls that once seemed so proverbial
Are hastily fading to gray.
There's an emptiness somewhere inside of me
That only gets deeper with time,
And the only think giving me strength in this battle,
Is the whisper that tells me you're mine.
So lets get away from this madness.
Lets run off where no one can find.
Our one special place lost in secret.
Tonight all the stars are aligned.
And we'll fly away to Never Never Land.
Where the world can't tell us to grow old.
Like Wendy and Peter, our love will grow stronger,
And true as the wonder we hold.
It's easy to get there, I know the way
With some fairy dust we could be soaring.
And we'll rest our dreams on feather weight wings,
First star to the right, on till morning.
ACE- 5/10/o8

To A Butterfly

You are so young,
You believe you are invincible.
Nothing could ever stop you.
You dance because in your mind,
There is nothing that isn't music.
You dream of colors that don't yet exist.
Every sound,
Every smell,
Every touch,
Is new and amazing.
The world is waiting for you to uncover it,
And no rock will remain unturned.
And yet,
I want to hold you back.
You want to chase the butterflys across the yard,
And out into the world,
And I just want to hold on to you.
Your innocnce is not permanent.
I want to tell you that this is a world,
Not like you imagine.
It's a cold, hard place.
And it steals childhood;
The one promise that is never kept.
I want to tell you that it isn't safe.
That there is danger
Waiting around every corner.
I want to protect you from everything that could hurt you,
And you just want to fly.
So, the best I can do is learn to fly too.
I can fall back into childhoods wonder.
I can be the one person that will find magic in everything with you.
And rediscover how fascinating it is
To watch birds land on the telephone wires.
Or how captivating the rain is when it falls.
Because I cannot protect you forever.
And God knows that I shouldn't even try.
But I can hold on to the innocence that childhood brings,
And maybe,
Together,
We can stay young.
And you can keep that inborn sence of wonder
That life is so eager to take away from you.