Nicholas,

When I am trying to go to sleep at night,
Or when I'm driving home from work alone in my car,
And the windows down and the radio is quiet,
Or when it's late, and I'm sitting at my computer,
These are the things I think about.
I think about how it's going to be.
How our lives will become separate.
The opposite of what I would hope for our lives to do as time went on.
I think about big things.
Like how will life be without you as my neighbor.
How strange will it be to see your house but know you are not in it.
Will I get used to not seeing your car in the driveway?
Sure. I think about those things.
Mostly, though, I think about the little things.
Who will sneak into your room and wake you up on weekday mornings?
Who will rub your calves when you've been working hard?
What will you do at night, by yourself, in your apartment,
In the time that we used to do little things together?
Who will you watch tv with?
Who will I do these things with?
How will we be able to play a spur the moment game of chess?
Or take an afternoon nap?
How can we decide, on a whim, to go drive around on dirt roads,
Or watch the sunset?
What if I want a hotdog,
And get half way to Sheetz and start crying because I miss you?
Crying like I'm crying now;
Hard and with no shame.
My heart is breaking.
And when you leave,
It will break.
I love you more than the air I breathe,
More than the life I sustain.
And I will give up for nothing.
Not time, not distance, not Heaven, not hell.
I will fight through it all to keep you.
But I won't lie.
I won't be okay until we are together again.
And you are not leaving in a few days,
To go back to school, life, whatever.
I can't stop thinking about those little things.
What if I just need someone to come over and hold my hand?
Give me a hug?
The only hand I want to hold is yours.
The only hand I've ever truly held is yours.
Losing you as my neighbor means more to me than it does to you.
Will you miss me, ache for me, the way I will for you?
Will you wish you had stayed, like I will?
Will you cry yourself to sleep at night, like I'm about to do, because you miss me so much your heart hurts?
Will you come back for me?
If I could beg you not to go, I would.
I can't.
It's not for my pride.
I've never been a prideful person, and Lord knows I've certainly been drained of it.
It's not for dignity.
You've seen me at my best and my worst.
It's not for fear.
The only thing I'm afraid of is how I will be without one half of me.
It's for you.
I want you to be happy.
Is that not what love is?
Wanting that one person to be happy even if it destroys you?
Well that;s what I want.
If going away will make you happy,
Whether it be now or in the future,
By all means, go.
But please,
For me who loves you like no other,
Please come back for me.
Please take care of me while you are gone.
Please go out of your way to show me that you are still here.
With me.
That I am still your girl and nothing,
not time, not distance, not Heaven, not hell,
Could ever change that.
I love you.
I love you now, I loved you then, and I will love you always.
Even if it means the end of me.
- The Girl Next Door