Come August

It just sneaks up on me.

Like most things do.

When I’m walking between our houses outside.

When it rains and I’m trying to sleep.

When I’m trying to sleep at all.

When I’m alone in the kitchen typing at the computer…

So often.

The thought creeps up.

You leaving.

And it shuts me down.

It should not be THIS hard to deal with.

But I love you.

And I’m sorry, but this is the way it is.

I cannot be happy for you.

I cannot be happy that you feel it necessary to go away to get what you need.

I will support you.

I will wait for you right here until you get back.

I will wish you all the luck in the world.

But I cannot be happy.

The one thing I have left,

The one that means the most,

Is leaving me.

And that weighs on my heart.

It feels like it’s sinking.

All the time.

I don’t want to be here alone.

But I will be.

I’m trying to figure out how to deal with that reality.

But that scares me.

Terrifies me beyond reason.

So if you think I’m crazy,

or an emotional roler-coaster,

I’m sorry.

I am those things.

But you are going to have to help me get over your going away.