Spring Break...

It's rained every day.
Everything outside is a dripping shade of gray.
My eyes have faded into that cool, liquidy blur that they become when the weather is like this.
When I feel like this.
I'm lonely.
My house is empty most of the day.
I would leave.
I hate the silence.
But there is no where to go.
No one to go with, anyway.
And I was never good at being alone.
So instead I sit in my kitchen and watch the rain fall.
I turn the radio on to drown out the quiet.
It sometimes makes me feel happier.
A few times this week, I've thought of just leaving.
Getting in my car and driving to some unplanned destination.
Once, I made it to the car and out of the neighborhood.
Then I turned around because the thought of driving off on an adventure alone makes my heart heavy.
I've called people but no one is around.
So, I've spent most of this week feeling incredibly sad.
But when I haven't been sad, I've been raging mad.
I've thrown things, cursed the silence.
Because I feel rejected.
My friends have gone off to college.
My boyfriend left to get away from me for the week.
No one has time to hang out with me, even knowing that I am desperate for company.
And when that doesn't make me cry,
It makes me mad.
When this week ends, life will go back to normal.
I'll have to go to school.
My day job will return.
The mundane will be back to keep me company.
I will be locked into a schedule that doesn't allow for vacation time or silliness.
Great.
But I need to get away.
Or to feel like everyone isn't trying to get away from me.
And when this week ends,
I'll go back to being happy, I'm sure.
Or at least content.
But I won't forget this feeling.