A Beautiful Breakdown

How am I supposed to trust you?
You don't trust me.
My intentions are always honorable.
I think Im doing things right.
I think Im finally getting on your good side.
And then you start yelling again.
You never give an explination.
You just start yelling.
I have never done anything you would object to.
Except for that one car ride last memorial day weekend.
Other than that, my record is spotless.
Ive never betrayed your trust,
Never snuck out of the house,
Never drank,
Never smoked,
Never even liked a guy until I was sixteen.
You don't know how lucky you are.
I'm a good girl.
Ask my friends.
I dont even curse frequently.
I go to church,
Say my prayers,
I'm pacient,
I listen,
I am constantly doing things for you,
Taking care of your children,
Sure, my rooms a little messy at times,
But that sure isn't why youre constantly mad at me.
If that's all it takes, then I will never make you happy.
Althought I am already pretty sure I never will.
Nothing I do satisfies you.
Nothing I say you actually hear.
You cut me off,
Yell some more,
And scream at me when I inturrupt, begging you to let me say one thing.
Yousay you trust me,
But you're a liar.
Don't know why.
Ive never done a damned thing wrong.
And now,
I really want to.
I want to so bad.
I want to destroy your trust,
I want to piss you off to the ends of the earth.
I want to go get drunk,
Sleep with a guy I met at a truck ralley,
And contract some rare, but not life threatening STD
So that every time a doctor calls,
You are reminded of it.
I want to do something you will never forgive or forget
Because you deserve it.
You make everyone loathe you.
My mother ends up paying, as well as everyone else in the house.
All I want is to enjoy the last bit of time I have with you,
And Im pretty sure you want to destroy what's left of our relationship.
I want to leave,
But I couldn't do that to them.
They dont deserve it.
Im not here for you.
Im here for them.
No, I dont hate you.
I think you're a dick and an arrogant ass hole,
I can't stand you most of the time,
And yet,
There is some inherent human instinct telling me to love you.
Because I am your child.
And so, I do.
I have those fleeting, and yet wonderful memories of us having fun.
Fishing, hiking, camping, playing guitar by a fire.
Yea, its hard to believe now that those things actually happened.
You must have prepared for an adolescant rebellion,
And freaked out when I didn;t rebel.
So you forced me too because thats the way this is supposed to go.
Well done.
I want to rebel.