AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%^&*

I'm Sorry.
I don't know what to think,
Or say,
Or do.
You are three steps ahead and I'm falling behind.
And you're getting impacient
And frusterated.
And you should be.
I suck miserably at this game.
And I feel worthless and horrible,
Because I want to think of you constantly,
And whisper sweet, soft words in your ear.
And do silly little things to make you crazy.
I WANT to love you.
You have no idea how much.
But.
Yes, to every good story, there is a but.
I am someone.
Someone whom you may never fully understand.
Because my mind is a complicated web composed of the fibers
that developed from connections
With friends,
With family,
With words,
With rhythm,
With sound and music,
With him.
I hate it.
HATE it.
It infuriates me that I can't silence my mind.
And I hate him!
For all of this
I blame him, damnit!
I was fine.
Perfect.
In love with life.
I was independant, growing stronger.
Then I was pummeled to the ground
By a worthless guy who blinded me.
Stripped me of my Passions,
My Hopes,
My Imagination.
And now, I can't be that girl for you.
Someone who really deserves it.
Because you're beautiful.
And amazing
And flawless
And charming
And smart.
You know just what to say.
He never cared about me like you do.
Never asked me where I was going,
Or told me to be careful.
He never begged me to call him when I reached my destination.
He was reckless,
Detached,
Distant,
Unconcerned.
You're the opposite.
And I don't know what to do.
Because I'm realizing,
I am just like him.
I want to run.
Please don't let me.
Hold me back.
Every time I start to inch away,
Grab my collar and pulll me in.
Call me Lucky and put a metal tag around my neck.
I need a protector.
Someone who can save me from myself.
Not the world.
I'm so sorry.
Please forgive me.