Recurring Dream? or Sign?

There I am. Walking. All alone in this huge field. The grass is above my ankles, and brown. The sky above me is orange. Pure orange. In the distance, there is a school. A red brick school building. In the middle of this field, surrounded by nothing. And then, I see that between the school and me, there is a single tree. A big, strong, very alive tree, in the midst of all the dead grass and darkness. As I get closer, I see her. A little girl of no more then four, swinging from a swing tied to a branch. She is all alone, yet smiling. And she doesn't seem to notice me. "What are you doing?" I ask. The little girl picks her head up, and looks at me, uneffected. "I'm watching them." she states, calmly. "Who?" I ask. "Them." she repeats, pointing up at the tree with an innocent laugh, like little girls do. And there they are. Preschool aged children, playing in this tree, happily. Childish laughter fills the air. Then, all of a sudden, it becomes night. In the blink of an eye. There is a sound in the distance. Then it comes into view. A school bus is barreling down the field, out of control, and full of preschool children. I watch in horror, unable to stop it, as the inevitable happens. The bus crashes into the tree. Flames shoot out everywhere, and turn the sky orange again. And then, it is gone. Everything goes black. And then, starts over. This time, I know what is coming. And I see the little girl, and ask what she is doing. She doesn't remember. Not me, or the accident. And the whiole scene repeats itself over and over.

I know I love children. And I want to help them. To help them not be afraid. To protect them. That is my calling. So, after years of trying to decide what to be when I grow up, I have found it.

Your arms

Your arms make me feel safe.

Like nothing in the world could get to me.

Like you will be here,

Protecting me for the rest of forever.

And you have no idea how that feels.

After protecting myself for so long,

It is so nice not to have to watch my step.

Loving you is so easy.

When you wrap me in your arms,

Under the stars,

And I fall asleep on your shoulder.

I couldn't ask for more.

All I want anymore is to be held.

By you.

And that is so out of character for me.

But that's how your arms make me feel.

It's a love so strong,

It makes me cry.

I now know that it is okay to need someone

With a strength I didn't know I had.

Growing Young With You

We grow young together,
You and I.
I miss seeing that smile every day.
I miss hearing that laugh.
I miss everything that we were.
Those lazy days,
Being children,
Running through the woods,
Jumping through puddles,
Ignoring time,
And everything that went with it.
It did not exist.
But, children get older.
The time has changed.
So much has changed.
In both of us.
And more to come.
And still,
The winds of time have failed
In pulling us apart.
Nothing could.
You are the only one who knows me.
Who understands who I am,
And why.
And I hope that I understand you.
I know I do.
And when I see you,
I can breathe.
I can be myself.
No holds barred.
Because I have nothing to hide.
And you would know if I tried.
And when I am with you,
I grow young again.
Dreaming is okay.
And I can be who I want to be.
I grow yuong again.

Wanting

My heart is heavy,
And my eyes are weak.
I am losing consiousness along with my faith.
The storm keeps coming,
And I keep fighting,
But my attempts are feeble, and pointless.
Nothing I do can keep it away.
And in the midst of it all,
I cry out to you.
Lonliness overflows in my soul,
And I feel nothing.
Nothing except when you touch me.
Nothing except when you smile.
You make it better, and yet,
You don't know.
You don't know how lonley I am.
How desperately I want to just be held.
To feel safe.
I have been protecting myself for too long.
I no longer have the strength.
Or the desire.
I have enclosed myself in walls,
Built by my own hands,
And now, not even the sun can break through.
I have been waiting,
Waiting for someone who cares enough,
To tare down these confining walls,
And pull me out of the hole I have created.
Yes, I am waiting,
But something has changed.
And now, I know what I want.
What I need.
And what I need is you.
I need you to tare it down.
To want to know me on a level that no one has before.
To understand me.
To see that I am crazy,
And reckless,
And tameless.
That I run with reckless abandon,
With no destination in mind.
And I need you to love me anyway.
This is selfish of me, I know.
You deserve everything.
You deserve the world,
And all I can give you,
Is the ability,
mad passion,
and traveling partner,
To see every square inch of it.
I can't offer you wisdom,
Or even stability.
I wasn't born to be stable.
But,
If you want it,
If you are willing to give up the life that you deserve,
And take a chance with me,
Live on the edge of reality for a while,
And go farther then two wanderers have ever gone before,
I will give you everything.
Every part of me.
On my whole heart, I will engrave your name,
And place it in your hand.
Trust you with my fragile soul,
And follow you all the days of my life.

SUMMER

Summer is coming.
I can see it in the air,
the way the clouds linger just a little longer then before.
The sky is getting bluer.
The grass is getting greener.
The sun is getting warmer.
I can smell it
In the flowers,
And in the memory of salty sea breezes.
I can hear it
In the music that plays when I walk down the street,
Even though no music is around.
And I can feel it.
It is burning in my soul.
The invincible summer that lies within me
Knows that it is almost time.
It is scratching at the walls of my heart,
Ready to spring out,
And run free.
Ready to get lost in a world where time is irrelavent.
Where I can spend my days
and nights
with you, and obligations wont pull us away.
Nothing will pull us away.

Change Your Mind

Ok, it's cheesy I kno, but go with it.

Verse 1
Well you're a man of science
And you think you're smart.
You've got logic, baby
Down to an art.
You go and read your stories
And believe those lies.
But the stuff they tell you's nothin but
Allebies.
Cuz they don't know the first thing about
Life and how it works.
Take a walk with me you'll see
There's so much left to learn.
Chorus
It's easier then it seems
So much simpler then it looks.
And the stuff Im gonna teach you
You won't find in all your books.
Look a little deeper
Learn to read between the lines.
Take a breather for a day
Leave your logic thoughts behind
You might find
I won't change your world
But I just might change your mind.
Verse 2
It's not a twist of science
That gave the birds the wings to fly.
Not a chemical equasion that put the
Stars in the sky.
The beauty that surrounds you
Can't be understood by man.
It's greater then you think,
And all a part of some big plan.
There's no such thing as coincidence
And fate is in control.
There's so much I can show you if you
Just let go
(repeat chorus)
Come down to the river with me
I'll show you the design.
I'll give you all the answeres
That you thought were undefined.
We all end up in the ocean,
But we start out in the stream.
It all becomes so clearer
If you let your mind learn how to dream.
(chorus)

And of Wishful Thinking

The night sky is beautiful.

I am trying to teach you to see.

To see past the little white specs,

The analytical balls of carbon,

The natural components of a star.

Trying to teach you to look through that.

To look beyond.

An entire cosmosis is above us,

And we are tiny,

Momentary,

And yet,

Intreped.

Like the stars.

Even when one is gone,

We still see it.

For millions of years after.

And Im trying to teach you to fear.

To show me

That you fear.

You have seen my fear at it's height.

You have seen me cower from the lightning,

And run from the noises in the forest.

And I am not ashamed.

Nor will I ever think less of you,

Because you fear.

I only want to know you.

So, I close my eyes,

And of wishful thinking,

I drift off.

Genie in a Bottle

If a genie gave me three wishes, I think it would take me a long time to decide what to do with them. It may sound cliche, but I do think world peace is a good thing to wish for. I mean, think of it this way. If the entire world is at peace, then, alot of our problems would be gone, so wishing for world peace would be killing alot of bad birds with one stone. Secondly, I think I would wish for sucess for all my friends and family. For all of them to be happy, and loved, and have everything theyu ever dreamed of. Because, that would make me happy too. And then, the last one. Walking music. That is all I want. I have everything else I need. Now, all I want is the La's to follow me around, or Ash, or Sam Phillips, some peppy, walking music. It doesn't even matter what. Add a little bounce to my step. Oh, maybe the troubador from Gilmore Girls...

From the oceans eye

She watches them all summer.
They came at the first of the season.
In seperate cars,
From different places.
She watched them meet.
That warm day, when he caught her gaze on her shoreline,
And worked up the courage to go and talk to her.
She smiled playfully,
As he commented on the perfectly placed lines on her sketch pad.
The next day,
The two of them arrived together.
They ran into her cool waters,
Splashing around.
In the throughs of fresh love.
The highst point of the summer season.
Nights they spent,
Sitting on her warm sand,
Tangled around each other.
Feeling every heartbeat.
Jumping at every touch.
They danced to the music
Created by her waves
Breaking at their ankles.
The stars shined
As a spotlight
At the only thing either of them had noticed all summer.
Each other.
But then, the sky became gray.
Autumn was on its way.
August was bringing a glow of red and orange
To everything it touched.
The heat was dying,
And the breeze got colder.
It was time to say goodbye.
And the two became inarticulate
To express.
The words would not come.
Tears replaced them,
Falling from her delicate eyes.
His fingers whiped them away.
They fell back on the sand,
Inhaling,
in one big breath,
Every bit of texture that summer had to offer.
Every last sound,
smell,
touch,
and tingle.
And reluctantly,
They went.
Pulled away by the changing season,
And the persistant bickering of time itself.
Never to meet again.
And she watched them go,
Off inseperate directions.
She felt their sorrow from her depths.
The darkness within her endless waters
Churned like the pit of their stomaches,
And she will never forget the show.

Sunday Afternoons

"You can't call a guy beautiful."
He states with a laugh, after he called me just that,
And I tried to return the gesture.
"Sexy is okay. Ruggedly handsom is better."
I roll my eyes and smile,
And let my head fall to his chest.
He smells like summer.
All the time.
My eyes close,
(he is always telling me to sleep more)
And I can hear his heart beat.
It seems fast.
I can feel it on the side of my face,
Pounding like a metronome inside of him.
It makes me sleepy.
It puts me in a daze,
Where nothing is clear.
Colors and sounds are muffled.
His hand runs through my hair,
And I drift off.
When I wake up, he is still there,
Holding me
Like I could slip away at any moment,
And he doesn't want to risk it.
I open my lazy eyes,
And nothing has changed.
His heart still beats furiously.
And he still smiles.

Things My Grandmother Taught Me

*Life has a lovliness to offer. You just have to look in unexpected places. And unexpected people.
*Sometimes, the most important part of a song is the silence between the words.
*You don't have to actually know how to play the guitar, just as long as you hold it with some
integrity. "Like Elvis".
*It doesn't matter that it is being sung in a language that you don't understand, as long as it
sounds like they mean it.
*Courage isn't always this bold, daring force. Sometimes it's having the guts to try again.
*Nothing you do to a potatoe can make it taste bad.
*You are never too old to have "Hop on Pop" read to you.
*It is okay to need someone with a strength you didn't know you had.
*It's ok to cry when you're sad, and get angry when you're angry.
*In the end, it all works out. (trust me. its true)
*"If you don't like the way things are being handled, get off your ass, and change them!"
*Understanding doesn't come with age. It comes with experience. And just because you are
young, does not give them the right to tell you you don't understand.
*River-dancing is a great sollution to every problem.
*There is nothing more beautiful then smiling Irish eyes.
*A sence of style is TOTALLY relative.
*Dreaming is NOT, under ANY surcumstance, a waste of time.
*Anything can be done, as long as you believe it can.
*You can't actually fly holding an umberella, and jumping out of a window.
*"You've gotta sing, Ashleigh. That's the only way the rest of 'em will ever understand you."
*"You've got to get on a plane atleast twice in your life. Once for the ride to Greace, where you
plan on spending the rest of your life, and one for the ride home, when the Agean Sea rises
alittle too high for you to handle on your own."
*It is ok to be a girl, even if they don't expect it.
*Spaghetti could possibly be a cure for cancer.
*Never doubt the powers of fudge in a strong freezer.
*Accidentally ordering something in Spanish, at a McDonalds restarunt, may seem humiliating
at the time, but makes for amazing conversation starters later.
*Never doubt that little voice inside of you, when it sounds like your grandmother saying, "Go
for it, kiddo."
*Sometimes, you just need to cross that seemingly huge distance between the beach, and the
waterline, and put your feet in the waves. Even if the water is really cold. And the waves are
really high. (oh, the meanings to that one)
*And the big one: It is okay to be afraid. Fear is not something to be ashamed of. It is something
to be respected, and admired. And it is okay to admit when you are afraid. It is okay to fall into
loving arms, and hide there until you feel safe again. You can close your eyes, if you don't want
to have to stare your fears down. But don't keep them closed for long. Because then you miss
things. Important things. Like all the little signs the universe hands you, trying to tell you that
everything WILL BE OKAY. That forever may seem so real. But really, nothing is forever. No
one is with you forever, but no-one is lost, or gone forever either. Love is not a waste of time,
because if it is real, it will never leave you. No matter how long the miles might stretch, or how
many the years might add up. It will always be there, living in the place that kindled it in it's
youth. Your heart. And you know what's really funny? She wasn't even here when she taught
me that one.
ACE 4/14/2008

He says life is a waste of time.
Basically, take the lesser of two evils.
And yet, somehow, he thinks the world of me.
So, I have made it my goal to change his view.
Tonight, we stretched out on the grass,
His head against mine,
Gazing wonderingly up at the stars.
I told him the story of Andromeda.
How she was chained,
Bound to a rock,
In punishment for a crime she didn't commit.
She only had a few moments left.
Jus a second or two,
Before Cracken would come, and devour her.
But,
Like a breath of air in a consuming fire,
Perseus flew in on his white horse,
To rescue her.
Then, they fell in love.
Those last words lingered in the silence,
Like the smell of something burning.
The darkness of night fell around us like a blanket,
And emotion ran like thick through our blood.
I heard him sigh, and felt his fingers through my hair.
I knew his eyes were closed.
Without looking at him.
So I closed mine too,
And let the light of the stars linger behind my eye-lids.
There was nothing to be said.
So, the stars talked for us.
Periods, comma's, exclamation points,
An entire galaxy of shooting stars and dancing lights
For words we couldn't say.
When we see a star, it isn't really there.
It's the speed of light.
It takes it a long time to reach us.
By the time it does, the stars have burned out.
They're just that bright.
Thousands of years after they die,
We can see them,
And we call them young.
That is how we will be.

A Few Little Known Facts About Ace. Little Miss Sunshine has returned!

*I can't sleep on my right side.
*I am terrified of Jello. Just typing it makes me nervous.
*I have a fire escape ladder.
*I am best friends with a turtle.
*I once swam with a shark.
*All I need to be happy is a guitar, some paper, and a pen.
*I have only been in love once. (this was a new discovery, but totally true.)
*Yes, I am still with the guy ONLY guy I ever loved.
*Writing is my only vice.
*Singing is the only thing that keeps me from twitching.
*Kyle makes me twitch alot.
*I took ballait for the longest 2 weeks of my life. (shhh its a secret)
*I carry a rosary around in my pocket.
*I will find Atlantis. (actually, I already have)
*I will live in a VW Bus.
And thats all I can think of at the moment. :) <3

Summer is coming.
I can feel it.
Even in the depth of winter, I can feel it.
Getting closer and closer.
I wait on the edge of my seat,
Waiting to change.
Like a butterfly, I will
Immerge from my cacoon,
Spread my vibrant, young wings,
And fly.
I will become invinsible.
I will become amazing.
Laughter will be the music
I dance to daily.
The ocean breeze,
And crash of the summer swell
Will be my lulluby,
And I will lie next to you,
Wrapped in your arms,
and a blanket of sand and stars.
The Harbour lights speckle the distance,
And I will hum our song,
Into the expansive nothingness,
Where ocean and sky blend together.
Where you cant decide where one ends,
And the other begins.
And you actually start to believe that they are one in the same.

Here's an Idea

If I can't make you happy, then go away. Don't let me get attached. Don't tell me you love me. Don't hold me, and sing to me, and follow me. Let me let you go. Don't destroy the already shattered, glued, and duct-taped pieces of my tattered heart. Don't tell me never to leave you, when you can't be sure you'll stay. Because I will keep my promises. Even when you are gone, and I am nothing but a dusty, faded memory, and a wrinkled love song scribbled on notebook paper to you, I will still be in love with you. When I say forever, I mean forever. The earth could dry up, the sun could swallow the moon, heaven and hell could sign a peace treaty, a butterfly could cause catastrophic storms, and create chaos, Armegeddon could come and fly us away, vampires could take over the earth, and 2012 could destroy us all, and I will still love you. I will still say, "You are the one I love." You could take my heart out of my chest, drop it on the ground, and stomp on it. I will pick it up, dust it off, and hand it right back to you. You own it. Don't make me regret you. Don't make me regret the best thing that has ever happened to me. All I want is for you to love me. Honestly, and truely. And to know me. The way I want desperately to know you. I am not giving up. No way. I am here for the duration. Just promise me one more time, that you are the same.

My First Forever.

I smile.
I smile and laugh,
and say, "Everything's great."
And I convince you.
Sometimes,
I almost convince myself.
Inside,
I am screaming.
Crying.
Violently shaking, searching for answeres.
All I see is darkness.
Darkness and void
where there once was light and protection.
Coldness and rejection
Where there once was warmth and love.
You don't look through me.
But if you tried,
Tried to look past the shell I have created,
You would see it in my eyes.
I am afraid.
Gripped with a consuming fear
That constricts like a snake,
And consumes like fire.
It drowns like the rush of water
Pouring over, and crushing me under it's weight.
Regrets?
Yeah, I have a few.
Things I shouldn't have done.
Things I should have done.
The day you left me,
I didn't understand.
Didn't understand how you could.
You must've known that you were my rock.
What held me to the ground.
And I was scared.
Scared to let you go.
Afraid to be left standing alone.
Afraid of my lack of strength.
Time goes like sand through an hour glass.
I can't return.
Can't go back and see you again.
Ever.
This is my first forever.
I now know what forever feels like.
I will NEVER see you again.
And I didn't even say goodbye.
I love you.
I am sorry.
So sorry.
I only hope you understand.
I need you to understand.
I love you.
Thank you.
Thank you for tyhe hope you gave me.
And continue to remind me of.
Every day I see you.
Every night, I dream you.
I will keep you alive.-

(sorry. not particularly happy right now. ill bring the sun back later.)

Missing You

You wonder how I'm doing
since you went away.
They all say I'm healing,
But not too much has changed.
Sometimes days are better
Sometimes days are worse.
My heart is weak and heavy,
And I can't say how it hurts.

I walk the empty hallways
And hear your voice in song.
And sometimes in my absent mind,
I softly sing along.
You said there's nothing more amazing
Then Irish eyes that smile.
But my eyes are grey and clouded,
They've been lonely for a while.

Spring has finally whispered
Its warm breath at my door.
I invited it to stay,
But if it heeded, I'm not sure.
The grass is green, and flowers bloom,
But somehow, here inside,
There's still a fighting winter wind
I have tried so hard to hide.

Missing you gets longer.
How I miss your gentle touch.
And I don't think I could have said
"I love you" near enough.
I hope to heaven you are happy.
And I hope that you can't see,
Every time you look down here,
The mess that's left of me.

All The Things She Never Knew She'd Always Wanted.

She never wanted to be owned,
'Til he said she was his.
She never thought she'd feel protected,
'Till he showed her what "safe" really is.
She never thought she could be found,
Until he took her hand.
She never wanted company,
'Til he said he was her biggest fan.
She never thought about the future
'Til he said "You're all that I can see."
She never wanted to be loved
'Til he was you, and she was me.-
ASH- 2008

My Folk Song

I don’t know where I’m going
But I hope you’ll tag along
We could ride along the wind
And sing this worn out song.
The stars above will guide us
And my love will keep you warm
With everything inside of me
I’ll shield you from this storm.
Oh I know that you deserve much more
And all I have is me
Got nothing more to offer you
No life of luxury.
But not a single soul on earth
Could love you more than I.
More then every speck of white
That sparkles in the sky.
I love you like the light of blue
Tossed in the ocean waves
The way they need the golden sand
To keep it in it’s place.
And I will softly listen as
You tell me of your dreams.
If you will only listen as
I hum this melody that tells about
The greatest love
That ever there could be
A love that flows like blood
Through you and me.
And every night when darkness falls
I’ll be right by your side
Till through the white lace curtains
Morning bathes us in sunlight.
And forever and after
My tame less heart will fall
Back into your loving arms
Every time you call
So if you think I’m getting wrestles
And I won’t be ‘round for long
Just listen to my voice singing our song.
And hold me in your arms and sing along.

And So It Goes (the best, saddest, truest love song ever)

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along.

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense.
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense.
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns.
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose.
But if my silence-
Made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake.
So I will share
This room with you
And you can have this heart to break.

hm____ ____hm___ hm__

So I would chose
To be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make
Decisions too
And you can have this heart to break.

So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break.
My love- Billy Joel.

WYMLY Exscript

Austin sat down on the grass, and pulled Lena down with him. “I thought you’d like it.” he said, as she fell back into his arms. Lena turned to look in his eyes, and smiled. “It’s beautiful.” she repeated.
“You’re beautiful.” replied Austin, before he pulled her closer to him, and kissed her. “I love you.” he whispered.
“I love you too.” answered Lena. He kissed her again, and a cool breeze blew through the treetops, and pushed them back on the grass. This wasn’t new for them. They had said I love you before. But this time, Lena felt something different. Something in his kiss that she had never felt before. Maybe it was in the way he supported her lower back with his hand, or the way he ran his fingers through her hair, but something was different. It sent a shock right through her, and in that moment, she wanted nothing more then to be as close as humanly possible to him. Suddenly, before she had time to think, or react, she was lying flat on her back, with Austin above her. She couldn’t follow where his hands were going. Slowly, they explored every dip and curve on her body, as they moved from her hair, to her neck, to her stomach. “Don’t be afraid.” he whispered, convincingly, obviously sensing her uneasiness. “I’ll keep you safe. Trust me.” And for a moment, she did. His fingers fumbled with the zipper on the back of her dress. His skin was warm against hers, but still sent a tingle radiating down her spine. All she knew was that, whatever was happening, or about to happen, she wanted. So, she let it happen.

You Are My ATLANTIS!!!

BuTteRflY efFeCt
2010...
Alone in my living room, and my house is way too quiet. My mind begins to drift off again. Suddenly, I am sitting beneath a big, purple oak tree, in an open field. The sky above me is green, and the grass below me is blue. I am playing my guitar; or someone else’s guitar. It’s yellow and green, and the body is shaped like a butterfly. I am singing, and having a grand old time, when suddenly, the sky turns black, and the air becomes heavy. I am being crushed under the weight of it all, but I can’t scream, or move. Everything starts to spin, and colors blend in with sounds. Spinning out of control, it doesn’t stop ‘till all of a sudden, I yank my self out of it, and try to reassemble the components of reality.
I need to do something, so I stand up, and walk to my stereo. I run my index finger down the stack until something catches my eye. It is the second to last CD in the stack, higher then nothing but an old CCR disk that I listened to like once. I pull it out, blow on the front cover, and as the dust flies away, the picture of three girls is revealed.
In that moment, I am blasted back to a scene from nearly five years ago, and as I press play, it all comes back. I can smell the smoke from the pyrotechnics on the stage, and I can feel the base pulsing inside of me like a heartbeat. The light is shocking and warm, and the music flows through me like blood through my veins. I am staring out into the eyes of twelve-hundred some people, and I see Bentley sitting on the front row, looking proud. I glance behind me, and see Capri, playing the drums with wild intensity, and Cass. Cass held her guitar close to her body, and with it, she lit the stage on fire. I remember the way her manic eyes met mine, only for a second, and she smiled. Then she went back to emptying her soul.
Those were the days. Nothing could stop us. We had each other, and the world was dangling loosely at our fingertips.