Freedom in Chains

It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
But I had to do it.
Please understand.
I didn't do it to hurt you,
Or to make you look bad.
I would never do that. Not ever.
I did it because I was falling apart.
And I had preserved what we had for so long,
In a perfect little airtight safe in my head
Hoping someday, you'd change your mind.
And believing, all the while,
That if you didn't
I would want that memory of you there to hold onto.
And I do.
But that memory was controling me.
It wouldn't become a memory.
It was still being lived.
And I still keep your memory,
Because I still don't regret a second of it,
I keep it tucked away
So that when a rainy day comes,
And I feel alone,
I can pull it out,
And remember those days when I believe we
Both
were so alive.
And hapy.
I wouldn't trade you for the world.
But we never really came to a resolution.
We never had an ending.
Yes, our relationship ended,
Butu our friendship was just floating in space
In between friends and enemies,
And I needed a conclusion.
I needed it all to be over.
Finality.
And now that it is,
I have this wierd feeling.
I've never been angry at someone before.
Not genuinly, deeply angry.
Until last night.
It's a strange thing, anger is.
The strangest part is that
It stems from love.
Now I'm not angry anymore.
Now I don't feel the need to hate you,
Or myself.
Because it is all over.
And I feel free
For the first time in six months.
And I know very well that a part of me is still in your hands.
But a part of you is still in my heart.
The part that I want to remember.
I'm still in chains.
I still don't want to love again.
Not any time soon.
But that is because I can feel my heart
For the first time in six months,
And it doesn't hurt.
So im in no rush
To repeat the experience.
The heartbreak,
However,
Was worth it.
Thank you.
And good-bye, friend.
Always,
Ashleigh.