I Rode the Thunder

Sometimes, you come to the edge of a cliff. Sometimes, its a literal cliff, but more often then not, its a metaphoric one. And you have to make a decission. You can either jump or walk away. You can attempt the climb down to the bottom, but it's usually rocky and slow. So, you have to decide which will bring you the best results. And what is coming (what you usually don't know) is a giant storm with rolling thunder and striking lightning and high winds. And it's a mess. And it's about to take the mess that you've become and magnify it by about infinity. Yeah, this is a pretty serious moment. Here you are, looking over the edge of a three hundred...no, three thousand foot drop and there is a crowd of people behind you, who you love desperately, all waiting for you to do something, anything, because your life isn't the only one hanging in the balance. Its theirs too, and what you make of yourself will effect all of them. Here you go, kid. Here's an umbrella, a bungee chord, a prayer, and some really good running shoes incase the whole going down thing doesn't work out in your favor. See, in my opinion, the best option is just to wait. Wait for that storm to come. I promise, it won't be long. Because when it comes, it will bring you to a deffinite conclusion. It will push you over the edge and you won't have a choice. But, most likely, you will catch an updraft. And you will ride the thunder all the way to a safe landing, where all those loved ones are waiting for you. And when you come back down to earth, remember where you've been, and don't regret it. Don't pretend it didn't happen, and don't turn your back on the lessons that the past has taught you. And most importantly, don't forget to give me a call. I'll share my story if you share yours.

Freedom in Chains

It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
But I had to do it.
Please understand.
I didn't do it to hurt you,
Or to make you look bad.
I would never do that. Not ever.
I did it because I was falling apart.
And I had preserved what we had for so long,
In a perfect little airtight safe in my head
Hoping someday, you'd change your mind.
And believing, all the while,
That if you didn't
I would want that memory of you there to hold onto.
And I do.
But that memory was controling me.
It wouldn't become a memory.
It was still being lived.
And I still keep your memory,
Because I still don't regret a second of it,
I keep it tucked away
So that when a rainy day comes,
And I feel alone,
I can pull it out,
And remember those days when I believe we
Both
were so alive.
And hapy.
I wouldn't trade you for the world.
But we never really came to a resolution.
We never had an ending.
Yes, our relationship ended,
Butu our friendship was just floating in space
In between friends and enemies,
And I needed a conclusion.
I needed it all to be over.
Finality.
And now that it is,
I have this wierd feeling.
I've never been angry at someone before.
Not genuinly, deeply angry.
Until last night.
It's a strange thing, anger is.
The strangest part is that
It stems from love.
Now I'm not angry anymore.
Now I don't feel the need to hate you,
Or myself.
Because it is all over.
And I feel free
For the first time in six months.
And I know very well that a part of me is still in your hands.
But a part of you is still in my heart.
The part that I want to remember.
I'm still in chains.
I still don't want to love again.
Not any time soon.
But that is because I can feel my heart
For the first time in six months,
And it doesn't hurt.
So im in no rush
To repeat the experience.
The heartbreak,
However,
Was worth it.
Thank you.
And good-bye, friend.
Always,
Ashleigh.